Thanks to blogger, I lost an entry this morning, got pissed and opened an account at LiveJournal.

Come see.

I was still a bit down when I went to bed last night and P. teased me, saying I had post-Oz stress syndrome. Cute. Although very possible.

I was surprised to learn he had actually watched some of the show, even though I wasn't here, and had seen all of the ending. Usually he falls asleep when watching t.v. that late, so I guess it's something that Oz kept him awake. P. thought what he saw of the episode was well done and he was pretty impressed with Lee's and Christopher's performances. That is not something I hear too often, so it made me happy. One thing he said that made me laugh was that Chris used his smirk well in the balcony scene. Then I said something about that smirk being trademark Keller and P. commented that he has noticed Christopher using it on SVU and it doesn't work so well on that show. I was a little stunned to realize he noticed something about Christopher that I never had.

I had not recorded the episode on Sunday night since I was over Rami's. So I set the VCR last night and watched a little bit of it this morning. I had been thinking about the way Chris went over the balcony and thought it didn't look quite right so I watched it in slow motion. During the beginning of the fall, the camera stays on his upper body and the focus is blurry. But during the end of the fall, the way his body is positioned, it looks like he was on the *other* side of the railing and just pushed off. If he had gone *over* the railing, he would have done a backwards somersault before hitting the ground, I'm pretty sure. Not that it makes any difference, but shit like that bothers me. And maybe it's just my way of doing the whole denial thing. *g*

Chris Keller did not kill himself. He is not dead and he and Toby are eventually going to work it all out. There, I feel better now.

After I left Rami's last night, I put Sarah McLachlan's ``Possession'' on in my car CD as loud as I could stand it and mourned for Chris Keller. I cried almost all the way home -- gasping sobs that made me feel a little bit silly. But I needed to grieve because I loved him.

I thought I was prepared for last night's episode, having read all the spoilers. And, in a way, I was. At least as far as the Beecher-Keller storyline was concerned. That actually was less painful than I expected. Like dargie says on her LJ icon, ``I still believe.'' By the time the show ended, I had to head home, so Rami and I didn't get to really talk about it, so I was left with my thoughts as I got in the car. I decided to listen to ``Possession'' because I have always thought of that as a BK song ever since Dina made the music vid with it. Some of the lyrics seemly sadly appropriate after last night's episode:

Into this night I wander,
it's morning that I dread,
Another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread,
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride,
Nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied

It made me think of how Keller sees his relationship with Beecher and, perhaps, life in general. If he truly got to the point where he believed that Beecher was not going to forgive him, then I could believe he'd commit suicide. And so I mourned the man he could have been; the loving soul he'd become with Toby.

As for Beecher and Keller's love, Tom did not kill it for me and I don't think that was his intent. When Toby told Chris he was death, he did not, imho, mean it cruelly. Toby's voice was full of emotion, as if he had just come to a very painful conclusion. Even in that moment, I believe he loved Chris. And no one could convince me otherwise. When Keller shouted ``Beecher, no!'' just before going over the railing, I did not believe he was trying to frame Toby for his death. The way I saw it, it was Tom's way of making us question whether it was suicide or an accident. The line was inappropriate and did not fit in the scene, in my opinion.

Still, overall, I enjoyed the episode and I loved watching Beecher and Keller in those final moments, even if they were painful to watch. Now I need to go read all the posts to see what everyone's take is.

Today I finished a lengthy entry for my recs blog that I have been working on for weeks. I feel relieved that it's done.

Mostly, though, my mind is on Oz, which will be starting in a little more than six hours. I will be heading over to Rami's afterall. I am looking forward to see Lee's final (!) performance as Tobias Beecher. *sniff* I can hardly believe it's almost over. What a ride it's been. It's going to be weird not having any more new episodes to look for. I don't really feel sad, especially in light of the way TF wrote this season, but I will miss Tobias Beecher immensely. He is probably my most favorite t.v. character ever and that is mainly due to Lee Tergesen. (I guess some of the credit has to go to Tom. *grumble, grumble*)

Will you look at this face? Man oh man.



*sigh* How could anyone *not* fall in love with that face, I ask you?

I finished editing the next chapter of ``Promise You'' and my new fic, ``Waking,'' and posted them both to my list. Then I put them up on my fanfic page. I feel so industrious. *g* It feels good. I would never have been able to get them both ready so fast without Mav's help.

~*~*~

There's a Vermont poet named David Budbill, whom I first read in college. A lot of his early work was about native Vermonters and I really loved it. His more recent stuff is about his life in Vermont, which is where I lived for most of my childhood. I was lucky enough to meet David in 1984 and we have kept in touch ever since - mostly at Christmas. Today, David and some other poets were being featured on Book TV on C-Span. It's going to be repeated tomorrow at noon.

Most of his poems are too long to type here, but my favorite is ``Arnie,'' which is from a now out of print book called ``The Chain Saw Dance.'' There is one small excerpt from the intro to ``From Down to the Village,'' I would like to share with you.

``Drawn toward this place by dream, we,
like those who came before, for reasons we can't speak,
take root, become this place, define it.

We are here and always leaving.
We are water like the river,
just passing through.''

--David Budbill

Anne's Favorite TV Screen Kisses

1. Beecher and Keller's New Year's Eve Kiss on Oz - hands down my favorite one. The nervousness, the love, the tenderness. *Sigh* It has everything. Honorable mention to the laundry room kiss, the CLaK kiss, the S5 kiss, and the early S6 kisses. Our boys are sooooooooo good to us.

2. Ross and Rachel's First Kiss on Friends - Before I saw Oz, this was my favorite one. Everything about this works for me. The tension, the history, the fighting, the emotion. Yum. Honorable mention to the kiss after they watched the prom video.

3. Buffy and Spike's First Kiss on Buffy the Vampire Slayer - vampire and slayer, lots of tension, lots of snarking, a moment of tenderness and then the kiss. It worked for me. Honorable mention to the heated kiss that preceded hot sex in ``Smashed.''

4. David and Keith's desperate kiss on Six Feet Under - It happens when they're broken up. David comes to Keith's house wearing his heart on his sleeve. He kisses Keith desperately, hungrily and Keith responds at first. I just love that kiss. I wanted it to go on and on.

5. Michael and Lisa's subway kiss on Now and Again - Michael Wiseman (John Goodman) is dead to everyone who knows him, but the government takes his brain and puts it in a younger, stronger artificial body (Eric Close) and he is sworn to keep it a secret. A year later, he accidentally runs into his widow (Margaret Colin) while pursuing a bad guy. They talk; there's a mutual attraction. He kisses her in the subway - one of those old fashioned, dip her backwards kisses that looks so romantic on screen. The fact that Michael was longing for her from afar for so long really added a nice punch to the kiss.

~*~*~

I meant to post that list yesterday, but I never finished it. I got inspired to write instead. I re-read my recently finished chapter of ``Promise You'' before sending it off to Mav for beta. Then in the afternoon, an idea for another BK fic popped into my head and I just had to write it. It was short, so I got it done pretty quickly. I go for months writing in drips and drabs and then I get all this inspiration and finish three pieces in the span of a week? How does that work? I wish I knew.

A movie survey! Perfect for me! Gakked from dargie
and Rikki. I love the movies. I've been passionate about the movies as long as I can remember, so this is like the perfect survey for me.

First Movie you ever saw in the theatre: No recollection. :(

Fave movie as a kid: The Sound of Music, I think.

Movie you have seen the most times: That's easy. The Sound of Music. I can't count the times. Every time it's been on t.v. I've watched. I own a tape of it and I have watched that many times as well. Running a close second is Jesus Christ Superstart with Ted Neeley.

Biggest Movie Star crush as a kid: Christopher Plummer

Fave 80's teen Movie: I'm with Rikki on The Breakfast Club. It still makes me get all emotional when I watch it.

Fave song from a movie: ``The Greatest Star'' from Funny Girl. I love to turn the volume up high and sing along to it really loud. I also love ``Let's Hear it For Me'' from Funny Lady. Sense a pattern here? Big show-stopping tunes sung by Babs. Yeah.

Fave Love/Romance Movie: Definitely While You Were Sleeping. I walked all over Chicago looking for filming sites for this film and found quite a few. And I totally fell in love with Bill Pullman when I saw it. Just watched it last night, too. :) I also love When Harry Met Sally, White Palace, The Princess Bride, Casablanca, and Much Ado About Nothing.

Fave Horror Movie: Hmm. Well, that's one genre I try to ignore. I watch them once and that's it. I don't like to be scared just for the sake of being scared. I did enjoy Misery, which turned me into a huge Kathy Bates fan.

Fave Drama: Easy. Sophie's Choice, my first Kevin Kline film. It's also my favorite book. I also love Shot in the Heart, The Color Purple, The Crying Game, To Kill A Mockingbird, and Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet.

Fave Sci Fi movie: I'm partial to Alien Nation with Mandy and James. I also enjoy 2,3,4 and 6 of the Star Trek movies, Independence Day, and The Abyss.

Fave Fantasy movie: Hmm. Don't know if I have one.

Fave Musical Movie: Gotta go back to Jesus Christ Superstar. I get excited about watching it every time. I could sing (not very well) the whole thing from beginning to end without a note of music to cue me. I also love Singing in the Rain and every other Gene Kelly musical. And The Sound of Music, of course.

Fave Comedy Movie: Galaxy Quest, The Wedding Singer, Tin Men, Arsenic and Old Lace and Big Fat Liar (Paul Giamatti is fucking brilliant in this).

Fave Action/Adventure Movie: Die Hard, Out of Sight, Air Force One

Movie that Scared You as a Child: You're Not Alone in the House, I think was the title. It was about a babysitter whose charges were killed and then she grew up and the killer took her children, too.

Movie that makes you cry everytime you see it: The English Patient, when he carries her out of the cave and the music swells, I am gone. G-O-N-E. I also cry when I watch the scene in the chapel in While You Were Sleeping when Lucy tells them all the truth. *sniff*

Worst movie you ever saw: Oooh, hard one. So many bad ones. I'd say it's a toss up between We're No Angels with Sean Penn and Robert DeNiro, which I really wanted to like, and U-Turn. Anaconda also sucked the big one. Jon Voight, who I usually love, totally overacted in that one.

Movie you walked out on in the theatre cause it was so bad: Well, I wanted to walk out of Blue Velvet but I was in the last seat up near a wall and would have had to walk in front of too many people so I suffered it out. I will NEVER, EVER watch that film again.

Most sexual movie you ever saw (non porn): Captives springs to mind.

Most disturbing movie you ever saw: Blue Velvet and The Accused, which was brilliantly done but left me feeling violated after I watched it. I cried while sitting in the movie theater and I don't ever do that. It's another movie I will never watch again.

Movie that supposedly sucks but you love it: The Razor's Edge with Bill Murray. I thought it was well done and enjoyable to watch. Plus, it was my first glimpse of Theresa Russell, a brilliant actress.

Favourite actors: I have 96 on my list, but I won't name them all. *g* Number one is Lee Tergesen. I also love Kevin Kline, Callum Keith Rennie, Richard Schiff, Al Pacino, Antonio Banderas, Kenneth Branagh, Garett Maggart, Nicolas Cage, David Caruso, Robert Downey, Jr., Emilio Estevez, Ralph and Joseph Fiennes, Ed Harris, Samuel L. Jackson, Greg Kinnear, Christopher Meloni, Viggo Mortensen, Gary Oldman, Christopher Plummer, Bill Pullman, Stephen Rea, Alan Rickman, Sam Rockwell, Geoffrey Rush, Gary Sinise, and Steve Zahn.

Fave Actresses: I have 45 on this list. My top faves are Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Diane Lane, Kathy Bates, Glenne Headly, Jodie Foster, Katherine Hepburn, Linda Hunt, Holly Hunter, Amy Irving, Christine Lahti, Jessica Lange, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Julianne Moore, Natalie Portman, Molly Price, Theresa Russell, Kyra Sedgwick, Madeleine Stowe, Emma Thompson, Sigourney Weaver, and Reese Witherspoon.

Movie you wanted to see the most as a child but were not allowed to: Can't recall.

Sexiest movie star of all time (male): Errol Flynn

Sexiest movie star of all time (female): Diane Lane

Movie that could/might as well been written about your life: Can't think of one that even comes close.

Favourite villain in a movie: Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard

Last movie you saw on TV/rented: Mulholland Drive

Last movie you saw in theatre: LOTR: The Two Towers

Movie that you really, really wanted to mention, but just couldn't find a category for it: Well, there was no Western category and I have a quite a few favorites, starting with the mini-series Lonesome Dove. I also love Silverado and the two Young Guns movies.